Friendship is a beautiful part of the human experience, an enrichment of our souls. The ability to connect and share your genuine self with another person is all at once vulnerable and immensely gratifying. As I’ve grown into an adult and grown up as a friend, my friendships are more important to me than ever, my true friends rare treasures to be cherished.

I had wonderful childhood friends, as many of us do – those carefree days when you start to learn how big the world is outside your own home. Some of us shared that first taste of freedom with our friends; being allowed to ride our bikes to the neighbor’s house or told to go outside and not return until dark. For me, these friends were my neighbors and the children of my parents’ friends, elementary school classmates and my trick-or-treat pack. We learned to play our first sports together, camped in each other’s yards, had sleepovers and rejoiced when we had snow days. We climbed trees and played elaborate games in the woods behind our houses, dove off the high dive together and flipped on trampolines with no nets. I have such fond memories of these friends and of this time in my life. Though we rarely speak now (outside of social media), I have these friends to thank for showing me the attributes of security and consistency within friendship. We were always there for each other no matter what; even when we fought we still knew we would be together again the next day. I look back now and can understand why I cherish those years – because of those who passed the time with me. I know that we shaped each other’s lives in a way that can never be erased.

My adolescent years presented much more volatile friendships. Our family moved a couple of times during both middle and high school and I experienced a decidedly unpleasant version of “mean girls” with both moves. The seventh grade move was the hardest and while I did eventually make friends, I never felt as though I was truly accepted or belonged in that town. What started thereafter was a hardening of my heart. In some ways it instilled a toughness and resiliency that has served me well in certain aspects of my life, but it impacted my trust in friendship, particularly the intentions of other girls. The ninth grade move was a bit easier for one primary reason – I had a lovely friend take me under her wing. She couldn’t banish all of the teenage cruelty, but she wielded a damn good shield. Her kind, inclusive nature, her intolerance for the injustices in the world and the fact that she is just an all around awesome person are why she is still one of my dearest friends today. I made it through high school because of her and continue to learn from her beautiful examples of generosity and friendship. There were other friends, of course, and a few that I am still close to. But I carried some of that mistrust well into my adult life, with single-digit exceptions.

Thankfully I am a learning creature and softened that protective outer shell, as my adult friendships have been richer and more fulfilling than I could ever imagine. Sharing pieces of myself with other people has swung the door to meaningful friendships wide open. Whether it’s admitting my hopes and fears of becoming a successful writer, sharing stories of my family or just sharing a glass of wine, the simple formula is: give and it shall be given unto you (Luke 6:38). It is true of new friends and true of those I’ve known for 20 years or more. It is true of work colleagues, neighbors and the parents of my children’s friends. This has been especially true of my friendships with other women. I don’t know if it’s because I’m finally willing to trust or if it’s because we all have had a similar path and see that need in each other – perhaps a bit of both. The richness my friendships now provide include laughter, a dose of therapy, comfortable silence, support, forgiveness, reassurance, brutal honesty, sage advice, trust, security and love.

I am incredibly grateful for my many friends, both those I have now and those that are remembered with great affection. Thank you for helping me grow, and continuing to teach me every day. I hope I am able to give back even a small measure of what you have given to me.