It’s a question my husband and I have asked each other before, usually over a glass of wine and if we’re lucky, in front of a fire. We first broached this topic late last summer, one of those what-if topics like “What you would do if you won the lottery?” Or another fun question for automotive enthusiasts – “If you had one million dollars and were allowed to spend it only on cars, what would you buy?” It started simply enough, on the heels of the lottery conversation; fantasizing about being so wealthy as to have your very own island and the ability to invite anyone you wish to live on the island as well. The island could be large or small, it could be rustic and undeveloped or feature every luxury imaginable. Your people might live nearby and you would enjoy seeing them every day. Or you may want to see them only once in a while but they still need to be there, so you must relegate them to the other end. It doesn’t have to be a tropical island, it could be in any sort of climate that you wish. It’s your island, you make the rules. We had a good laugh putting some family members who shall remain nameless on the other side of the island, and even cast some of our friends after the characters on Gilligan’s Island and Fantasy Island. But the lighthearted chat for us turned into a much more reflective dialog; who do you choose and why?

This question has popped into my head more frequently in recent weeks. Experiencing the sudden loss of a dear friend has shaken us to the core, turning the what-if scenarios into when, the unfathomable into reality. It has made difficult decisions simple and easy. It has turned murky questions of prioritization into shining spotlights of clarity. In a way that no other life experience can, death teaches when you’re not ready to be taught. It grabs you by the shoulders and shakes the stubbornness out of your being and smashes it to the floor in pieces. Losing someone you love makes you love the ones you have with a ferocity and entirety that you didn’t even know your heart was previously capable of. When I think about those that I would choose to live on my island, I’m actually thinking about those that I am choosing to have in my life.

In my own life, I have often focused on doing things my way, in my timing, on my own. Some of these old habits persist, but none of us can survive on an island completely alone. We are not whole unless we have our friends and family there with us. I’ve learned through the gifts of others that anything I could attempt on my own pales in comparison with what I can accomplish supported by loved ones. There are those who keep me honest when I veer off-course, those who challenge me not only in my pursuits, but also in my perceptions. There are the fixers who will swoop in and may literally repair the house, or they may repair my trust, repair my faith, repair my heart. Some offer fun and laughter and fill my cup to the brim with joy. Others astonish me with their talent and the beauty they contribute to the world. All of them have made a tremendous impact on my life.

Who is on your island? Who teaches you, shapes you, compliments your life with their individual talents? With whom do you choose to spend your time? In life we are given many precious gifts to encourage us on our path, sometimes for not long enough. But no matter how long we are able to walk through this world with our loved ones, the impact they have is an immeasurable treasure. Yes, Thurston and Lovey are on my island, and all of these other amazing people as well. Who will you bring to yours?